Dear Rob: Paying on the First Date

Dear Rob,
I’m going on a date with this new guy.  A lot of girls in DC say I should always pay for myself, but that just feels strange.  Should I just offer to split the check and hope he still pays?  Will that just set a precedent for always splitting?  This feels weird, what should I do?

First off, the girl doesn’t need to offer to split the check.

Traditionally, the man wore the pants, the woman was in the kitchen baking brownies and that’s just what everyone did.

It is now 60 years past this era and a lot has changed… fact.  If the guy wants to split the check, that is totally fine, but the responsibility lies on him to set the expectations.  Default: man pays to optional: split pay.

With that being said, there is sometimes a reason for the woman to offer to split the check.  If you aren’t sure about this new raggamuffin who stands before you, and it’s some kind of a first date, then you can offer to split the check so you have less pressure to feel like you owe this guy something.

Not that I agree with this idea or mindset, but it happens with some of my ladyfriends so mentioning the idea is necessary and relevant.  These ladies think Oh man, I’m not super into this guy but he did just take me to dinner and a movie and we had a nice enough time, maybe I need to invite him in and then call me the next day full of regret.

The solution I have seen them come up with is that they use this tactic of paying on the first date to help feel the guy out.  At the end of the date there is less pressure for the lady since they paid and it is easier to see through the alcoholic haze and get to their true feelings about this new courting gent.

All in all,  it is up to the couple to decide how they want to divide the expenses, and it takes all kinds.  From the sugardaddys and their mistresses, to the cougars and their cubs to the broke 20 somethings or the Bonnie and Clyde crime spree types, there is no one formula that fits everyone.

Choose your choices and do it movin.

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