Not everyone appreciated my tourist diatribe, especially the fanny pack lovers hiding out there.  See below.

It’s war DC Style is Real!

When Googling the history of the fanny pack, one finds that amazingly enough, it is unknown who first fashioned this convenient, hands-free carrying device, so fondly displayed across the bums of many throughout the world; however what is known is this person was a genius.

Chiropractors thank this Einstein for the health of their patient’s backs – or maybe they curse them for the lack of business.  Mid-Western tourists thank this artist for the fact that they are able to carry band-aids, gum, wallets, maps and chapstick, while at the same time, maintaining the ability to hold a camera in one hand and an all-beef, all-American hot dog in the other.  Hippies praise this creator as it offers them the option of attaching their belongings to their bodies, so they don’t walk off and leave them behind, after smoking a big fat bl&*t.  Europeans worship this man/woman, as not only is it convenient, but it’s trendy as hell, adding to the many layers of their everyday outfits.  Caution: if you’re in Europe, speaking with either an Irish or British person with one of these fashionable items attached to their asses, do not tell them that you enjoy their fanny pack – no, no, no, no, no – I learned this the hard way (click here and scroll down to “fanny”).  It’s their “bum bag.”

I praise this fanny pack creator for his/her creative intelligence.  If I didn’t have to get in a car every time I wanted to go somewhere, you’d see me with one of these things attached to my back-side 24/7.  Convenient, fashionable, brightens up any outfit and loved by many, it is…the fanny pack.

Written by guest columnist ArtKinks.